In the Crosshairs of Providence

The title of this blog comes from the words of Fr. Joe Daoust, sj, to me at the end of a conversation with me and Fr. Tim Kesicki, sj, the provincial of the Detroit Province of the Jesuits last Thursday, 19 March. Joe was the provincial of the Detroit Province (my home province) during much of my formation, and I've known him since I was a novice in Berkely, MI, and he was in law school at Michigan. He's now in Rome, serving as our superior general's delegate to the Jesuits' international communities in Rome and as a counselor to the general, but he also continues an involvement with the apostolic endeavors of our East Africa Province, dating back to his time as provincial. The conversation was about one such project

At the end of this conversation among the three of us about the possibility of my moving to Dodoma, capital of Tanzania, in order to help start an educational project, Joe said to me, "Marty, you have been caught in the crosshairs of providence." The project is the Our Lady Queen of Peace Educational Center, which ultimately will include not only a secondary school but also a two-year, post secondary vocation college and a two-year teachers college (preparing elementary school teachers).

Earlier that Thursday (at 06h15 to be exact!) Tim had called me to talk about this. We had over the course of the last several months talked about my involvement in such a project, but neither Tim nor I was aware that the need was more immediate and that a move to Dodoma might be more proximate (like this summer!) than distant (We were thinking 2011, if it happened at all). Both my experience (I've been an administrator at two Jesuit high schools -- St. Ignatius HS in Cleveland and the University of Detroit Jesuit High School and Academy) and my academic training (I have a Ph.D. in teaching and learning from UC Santa Barbara) along with my commitment to making things better for kids and for teachers are what brought my name to mind relative to this project, from what I gather. Add to that my unease with the choice of some Jesuits who seem to have taken personal vows of stability and my being inspired by the recent visit of our Father General to Los Angeles and his recent letter on the nature of our Society as universal and on the need to cultivate the virtue of availability, and, well -- caught in the crosshairs of providence.

In the ensuing days since those phone conversations, I've been unable to contain my excitement (even as I admit my apprehensions -- Europe is the only continent other than North America that my feet have ever touched). I'd expected to be as discreet about this as I am with others' such information, but it's been impossible to keep still. People whom I've blathered on with about the possibility and who care about me and my welfare have encouraged me to slow down a bit, not let romantic notions of "apostolic availability" cloud my discernment. I've appreciated the concern; honestly, I have. But here's the thing: I do feel that I've been caught in the crosshairs of providence.

Let me explain a little bit more: When I was a student at the Jesuit School of Theology at Berkeley, I was on an eight-day retreat and having a difficult time with a meditation commended by St. Ignatius: The Kingdom Meditation. I won't go into details about the meditation except to say that my difficulty was due in part to the anachronism of imagining Jesus as a king inviting me into his regal project. (I'm all for Christ the King, but Jesus the King is just too much.) In any case, I ended up with a different sort of meditation: the Voyageur Meditation. In this meditation Jesus and I are both in a canoe (I'm up front and he's in back). Jesus reminds me that his paddle serves as the rudder, that he steers, and he says to me, "I'll take you only to places where I can show you my glory." I've returned to those words "in good times and in bad." But even as I've heard Jesus' words and been consoled or challenged by them at different points in my life since that retreat 15+ years ago, I've always had a sense there was something more to them than I was imagining, that a meaning deeper than what I had access at the moment would somehow be revealed to me. I think this invitation is the something more, and I trust Jesus that he'll steer me only to places where he can show me his glory.

So I head up to Berkeley this weekend to meet Fr. Sosthenes Luyembe, sj, pastor of the "airport parish" in Dodoma, who has spearheaded this project. And next week I head to Colombiere Center in Clarkston, MI, where I'll meet with Fr. Dick Twohig, sj, one of the greats of the Detroit Province who, after serving for many years as the principal of U of D Jesuit, went to Dar es Salaam to start Loyola High School there (and was the rector at U of D Jesuit upon his return to the states -- during my tenure as principal at the school).

Stay tuned: More as it unfolds.

Our Lady, Queen of Peace: Pray for us!